I am Mom enough

There has been a lot of talk lately on the interwebs about child birth. A hate page was circulating with very hurtful things about Mothers and who has a right to be called that, who gave birth, and a whole bunch of other crazy statements. I won’t link to it, I don’t want to fuel the fire. When I read about this initially I thought nothing of it, some crazy group getting attention.

Then I came across many, MANY comments, likes, shares and support for this stance. This stance that women who had c sections took the easy way, they were not Mom enough. I was floored by the support of this opinion. I had to have a c section, three of them; and this article hit home. It hit my heart.
All the proof I need that I am Mom enough

I found myself getting angry, feeling “less then” the natural birth Mom’s. The ones that were strong enough to push a baby out. Even as I felt this way, I got angry with myself. Why am I letting these obviously mean spirited, misguided people get to me? Still I could not shake the feelings. I kept it to myself, had a pep talk to the inner me and moved on with my life. Taking care of the three kids I am apparently not Mom enough for. Tell that to them, they remind me quite often, all the timeย that my name is Mommy.

 

Caleb and I getting acquainted
The story kept circulating, people weighed in on the controversy. A lot of women shared their disdain for people thinking this. Their hurt, pain, and feelings on the subject. They felt like me. I became enraged with this defense for c-sections. I know, these are my peeps, my fellow scar rocking Mama’s. But yes, I got angry with their writing.
In all of their writing, defending of being ย a c-section Mom, their disdain for people thinking and saying they are less then phenomenal… there was a urgency to prove that they earned their scar. They needed a c-section. The fact that even in their proud moment of standing up to the haters, they felt the need to justify how they brought their child into the world. That is what got me angry.
Reading the comments to these post’s, I came across one story after another of women going through terrifying experiences. All with the outcome of a c-section, and all with a underlying tone of “I needed it, see, it was needed!!!!!”
Before this controversy arose, anytime I have ever spoken about how I brought my kids into this world, when I mention a c-section I stumble into a explanation. As if trying to prove my worth and that I did work for it. A feeling of failure was there. Acknowledging that I did not actually do what I sought out. What I planned was a natural birth, in a stream, with birds chirping and the mice from Cinderella cheering me on. Maybe not exactly what I was thinking, but the feeling was similar, I was hoping for perfection. I wanted to do this whole birth thing right.
When it all went wrong, it went bad. I won’t get into it. I have nothing to prove. It is because of this controversy with c-section Mom’s versus natural birth Mom’s that I realized I still had to let some things go. I was so quick to jump on the defense with my own labor and delivery experience.

Nora
Defense of what? Bringing my daughter and eventually two more healthy children (my boy’s) into the world? Working, laboring, fighting, ย going on for days, then looking a Doctor in the eye and agreeing to be cut open?
I laid there under a bright light, terrified. Not of the surgery, having complete abdominal surgery with all of my reproductive organs as well as most of my intestines ending up out of my body. I was not worried of the recovery, the pain, the scar. He could have cut me open from chin to knees and I would have still almost ran into the operating room. I was terrified for my child, my daughter who I only knew from her tiny heartbeat which I had grown to adore these past 9 months.
I imagined her personality, the way she would kick in my belly when I laughed, feeling her little hiccups. I dreamed of her face, her hands, her smell. My husband and I scoured over names, so many hours spent dreaming up the perfect one for her. I was terrified for her. In that moment, my thought, my very being was all for her. I was simply the vessel to get her here.
When she was born blue and not crying, my world stopped. She was my world and it was in a spin, a spiraling, scary out of control pain that set in my heart. While she was in her own struggle to the left of me, I began hemorrhaging and they put me under, put me to sleep to control my bleeding better. My last thought was of her. When I awoke hours later, before I even opened my eyes I whispered her name. I was groggy, barely coherent and she was ingrained in me. My heart was with her. I needed her.
The nurse informed me that the crying I could hear was her, my Nora. She was crying, it was the most glorious sound I have ever heard. I felt like I was floating, I have never felt as strong of a relief as I did in that moment. When they wheeled me to my room I was told to get some sleep and they could bring her to me when I woke up. I felt no pain, no grogginess, I could not even sit up all the way from the epidural, but I demanded them to bring her to me. She was it, the very thought my brain was thinking. It was all for her, I needed to see her.
I held her, and she was perfection. I was complete. She is the reason I am a Mom. She is it. She made me who I am. Her being there was the perfection. My labor, the surgery, that was all forgotten. She was beautiful, breathing, eating, sleeping and pooping. Yes, even that was miraculous.
Nora and I after our experience.
The one who first called me Mom

Less then 2 hours after I was out of recovery I was told to get up and do laps around the hospital hallways, pushing my sweet girl along the way. My husband told me to take it easy. How could I take it easy? I had a daughter to take care of. I needed to get back to normal, I yearned to be a Mommy and I was not letting a little thing like a surgery prevent me from being that. The recovery was brutal, but the most brutal part about it was my stubbornness and anger in that I had to do it. This was never the plan, I had to catch up.

Right after my Gavin was born, a much calmer experience.

In remembering those moments, my thoughts in that time. Looking at my c-section scar, my three healthy kids. I have nothing to prove, I have no reason to claim I earned it, I simply just did. I am not shaming any Mom who birthed her child naturally, a Mom with an epidural, one who delivered her baby in the back seat of a car, a Mom with a c-section (by choice or necessity), a Mom who married and gained a child, a Mom who adopted her child. We all have stories, hurtles, battle scars, and wounds to show and tell. All of us are Mom’s, and none of us should be apologetic of how we became one.

My scar is my story. It is the physical proof that I put everything aside for my child. I gave my body over, willingly to be maimed for my baby. My three children. The one I felt my heart surge for when I saw that little kidney bean shape blob on the sonogram. The one I felt my heart lurch and shatter when she was born blue. The one I held in my arms and felt such pride for when all was said and done. The same baby that now both challenges, excites, exhausts, and makes my love grow more everyday with her 7 year old self.

 

I became a Mom to be her Mom, to be my two son’s Mom. That was the goal, the perfection of the birth. My bad ass scar is just the way my kids began their life. It was the first of a lifetime of moments I will put my children before anything else, including myself. I risked it all for them, and always will with no hesitation. I will never make an excuse for that, apologize, shy away from or make my case for ever again. I did it, that is the important part. We made it, that is the perfect birth plan I should have been planning for. That is what we all should be celebrating, we made it, we did it, we are Mom’s and our kids are here, living. No apology’s should be made. Never again will I proclaim anything but pride for my journey to Motherhood. I am Mom enough.

 

46 Comment

  1. Oh my goodness. Right now I want to hug you and at the same time, I want to throat punch people who troll on the Internet. The beautiful family you have now was born of love and will be nurtured to grow by love.

    I believe (very strongly) that no one else gets to tell us our value and I am sitting here giving you a slow clap for your words. A 'mother' is made with the love of a child, whether that child was pushed out, cut out, fostered, or adopted.

    1. Thank you Sarah! The slow clap is awesome, I have never gotten one of those before ๐Ÿ™‚ . I am right there with wanting to throat punch some people. I am all for people having their own opinions, but making cruel statements like the ones these people did is not a opinion I am ok with. Your sweet words were perfect and just what I needed, thank you!

    2. Yes – exactly! I can't believe there are haters about this – perhaps they really are just trolls. And Emily you are obviously more than 'mom enough' for your beautiful family.

    3. Thank you so much! I hope they are just trolls looking to start some trouble. That is better to me than people actually feeling this way. Thank you for the kind words!

  2. Rosalie says: Reply

    This is so beautiful, and so well said. I had two natural births and two c-sections. I am a Mom to all four of them just the same. I cannot stand the fight, the needing to pick a side, we are all Mom's. I love and am so happy that you found the comfort and strength to know this. Wear your scar proud, you are amazing. Any woman who is a Mother is a strong person who deserves praise and not to be torn down.

    1. Thank you Rosalie for you support and kind words. I agree that there should be no sides, we are all in this, doing it, no matter how we got here.

  3. So true you should never have to justify you being a mom. you are an amazing mom.

    1. Thank you Dale, you are a amazing Daddy too!

  4. The most important thing is that we are all raising happy, healthy children. I hate all the judgements about our personal decisions. It doesn't matter if you stood on your head and pushed that baby out of your nose, you are still a good mom ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I agree, healthy and happy children should be all we care about. But, show me a MOM who gave birth through her nose while upside down and I will give her s trophy. That is one magical Mom ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. You're right, you have nothing to prove and you're experience isn't for others to put down. The haters gunna hate.

    1. Thank you Megan, it is true. There will always be haters, but now I know how to handle myself when things like this pop up.

  6. I can't believe someone would even write an article like the one you're describing, how dare they. It makes me so angry! I am terrified of having to have a C-section and I think women like you are amazing. I think we're all amazing. There is no right or wrong way to give birth, as long as a healthy baby comes out, that's all that matters!

    1. It is insane what people are saying Justine. I got very angry with it too, and angry that Moms felt like they needed to defend their actions, they reasons for a c-section. You said it best, healthy baby and Mama is all that matters.

  7. I saw the article you are referring to, and it made my SO MAD! I heard it said once that "birth is an art, not a science" and I totally agree. And there are many different kinds of beautiful births just like there are many kinds of beautiful art. All with a different technique, subject matter, and medium, but all with their own special something that only a real artist can capture (or, in our case, only a mother can bring to life). You are amazing mama!

    1. I love what you said, a birth is beautiful. A life starting is beautiful. That is what should be passed around, not the hurtful comments and opinions.

  8. Ughh I don't even let silly articles like that enter my thoughts! They drive me nuts and I just want to comment on every crazy commenters comment that says "you're not a real mon because blah de blah"
    It's too hard for me to hold back and it would consume me so I just have to take a deep breath and remember that I know families are brought together in so many different ways. There are endless ways people become mommys and daddy's and I think every story is wonderful and a blessing ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I am the same way when it comes to having to bring it in. I too want to go and comment back, defend anyone who is being wronged. It would take up all of my time, and bum me out. I agree that every family is wonderful, and each story is unique and beautiful.

  9. And none are more or less than others!

    1. Agreed! No one is more special. better parent, or superior.

  10. This is SO beautiful. I love how you say "I have nothing to prove," so so so true.

    1. Thank you, I am so happy you enjoyed it! I never know how something this personal will be received and to know that people got it and can relate to it is wonderful.

  11. You go girl. It is such a sad world we live in where women, especially moms of all people, feel the need to tear each other apart because of the way we bring our children into this world and how to choose to raise them. Instead of empowering each other, some of them try to belittle others to make themselves feel bigger and better. Ugh. So frustrating and sad at the same time. Love how transparent you were with this post and you continue doing what you do best – being the best mama to your beautiful kids.
    Linh
    http://abeautifulrawr.com

    1. It is so sad that people think belittling other is a way to build themselves up. Moms are attacked on the daily from all people, but to have other Moms do it feels even worse. Thank you for your kind words, I was nervous putting it out there because it was so personal. But I just had to, there is no reason to defend and I want others to know that too.

  12. Love this post. I had a C-section and all my family gave me a "what?" and "really?", and the "you know in my day….blah blah blah…. the pain makes you stronger…." It got pretty frustrating because does that make me less of a mum? And then on top of that I felt like I had to prove them that I better than that, so had so much pressure to breastfeed well. Looking back at it, at the end of the day, we are all mothers and we do what we think is right, and we do the best that we can to our knowledge and ability. No one has the right to judge!

    1. That is so horrible what you went through! I am so sorry that you were treated that way. I am sure none of them meant to put that kind of pressure on you, but sometimes their words hurt so bad. We are all Mothers who re trying our hardest, it is a tough job. Keep doing you, and loving your kids ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. I had not heard of this controversy but it's a shame that the ignorant words of a few have to be so painful. Usually these people have no idea what they're talking about. I've known many who have had c-sections for various reasons and I have not thought any less of them as mothers for it. I've known people who can be so polarizing in their "my way is right, everyone else's is wrong" mindset… I've literally lost a friendship because a friend of mine turned mom blogger would get so nasty with people who didn't see things her way that she and her husband would attack me/others in comments on her blog for doing so. We're all fighting the same battle here, trying to make life as wonderful as we can for the creatures we're blessed to parent. We should all ACT like we're on the same team. You're doing great. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. XOXO

    1. That is so sad that you lost a friendship because of them being a pushy know it all. I am sure it was a bitter sweet end. Happy to leave the drama, but sad it had to end that way. THank you for your sweet words of encouragement!

  14. Kim says: Reply

    This was beautifully written! I too read the article you are talking about, and it left me fuming mad (and I did not have a c-section with either of my children). How dare that person say such things! It was just down right mean and not at all necessary. You are quite right, you are definitely mom enough! xo

    1. Thank you so much for saying that. I needed to say my peace on the topic for myself, and maybe others as well. If someone happens on this and it makes them realize no defense is needed, we are all Mom enough!

  15. I don't even know where to start. You are one strong Mama. You have beautiful children who you obviously love and care for how they got here is of no consequence. I didn't have a c section but I had a premie – we all have our own journey and it has to start somewhere. I'm so glad you were able to share our journey with us.

    Brittany @ Everyday Thoughts

    1. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! My second was a preemie that is a horrible battle to go through. I am so happy you enjoyed my story and took some good things from it!

  16. You have a very beautiful family. One thing I can say from the perspective of having older (10 & 13) kids is that it really doesn't matter how they got here as long as you are the best mom out there to your own kids. I had a C-section with both of mine and never felt "less" about it unless I let someone make me feel that way (and I didn't).

    1. It is great to hear the perspective from a experienced Mom, thank you! I agree, that it does not matter. I am just happy I got to that conclusion before it tore me down. Sometimes people and what they say can get to you. That is so great that you never let anyone make you feel that way. ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. Your kids are beautiful and I love your post. I had c-sections for all three of my babies! I was in labor for over 13 hours with excruciating pain , no meds, no nothing for my first baby when they finally decided to take him by c-section when he couldn't breath. I was told I would never have a baby naturally due to the rod in my back . I did what I had to for myself and my babies. It doesn't make me less of a parent or anyone that doesn't have their baby naturally. Being a mother is a beautiful thing no matter how you become one!

    1. it sounds like we went through very similar experiences, three kids and all. I am so sorry you went through that. But am so happy that you and your kids are healthy!

  18. This is a great post. I had to have a c-section for my first, but felt like I always needed to explain why. I had a vaginal delivery for my second, because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It didn't matter. It's funny, I love my kids the exact same amount. And they both have beautiful birth stories and if I have to be honest, I felt more connected to my first child after delivery, even though she (gasp) was the c-section. There is nothing, in my opinion, more magical about either story, or any moms story. Great post, thanks for this.

    1. This is interesting to hear someone who had both, it is nice to know that you had no issues bonding with any of your kids because of the delivery. All babies being born is magical, and any Mom is really strong for getting them here, no matter how it was done. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Oh my gosh, I love Sarah's comment: "Oh my goodness. Right now I want to hug you and at the same time, I want to throat punch people who troll on the Internet". I feel the same way!! I saw, and posted on my FB, a picture that said c-sections isn't giving birth.. My reaction was, what do we call it an extraction? Oh that made me mad, I had 3 c-sections (not by choice) and sometimes it is weird when you're sitting with a group of mom's who are discussing contractions and I haven't a clue as to what that feels like. BUT, not every experience needs to be the same to have the same outcome.. A healthy mommy and baby, that's what is important. Thank you for sharing, great post!!!

    1. I saw the same picture you are talking about and that is what really enraged me about it all. I also loved Sarah's comment, awesome. It is nice to have such support from some very strong women! You are one lucky lady to not know what contractions feel like. I had it all planned out with my other two, check in, have a kid, eat lunch, it was all planned. Both of them starting major labor while I was at home was not the plan. It made the contractions horrible because I knew they were for nothing, and I did not have to feel them at all. I guess each of my kids needed to make a grand entrance!

  20. So crazy that people would really want to judge others in this way! I have 5 sons and each of their births were so different, yet they are all mine. I am not better mom for having had natural childbirth, an epidural, mild drugs, or my emergency c-section. (although I think the recovery from my c section earned me a special prize in heaven… owie)

    thank you for sharing this!

    1. 5 boy!!!! That is what earn you the Mommy prize! I love that you said each delivery was different, but they are all yours. So true!

  21. I can't believe people argue about this stuff honestly I had my two girls naturally, well as natural as you can when one is premature and one arrives late but in a toilet – long story !! But you know what I was warned I may have had a section on both and I would have if it meant getting them here safely anyone that things that is an "easy option " couldn't be more wrong six weeks recovery is no picnic with a new baby you couldn't be more of of a Mom to those gorgeous kids of yours if you tried ๐Ÿ™‚ ((((hugs)))) Never listen to the Trolls they are a new form of evil.

    1. I am surprised by people and their hateful opinions, it is tough. I had one premature and that is it's own horrible battle. That long story of yours sounds quite interesting ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you for your sweet words of support, I wish kind words were the things that became viral. We all need more of that in our lives!

  22. Sadia says: Reply

    Amazing, raw, beautiful post. I need to work on forgiving myself for having had a C-section. I'd never considered before now how much I've let the "natural is better" culture shape my own sense of motherhood.

    1. Sadia, I am so sorry you are still struggling with your c-section. It can be hard to see and hear people talk up one way of doing things knowing you could not do that. But, please know you are no less of a Mom. You did what you had to do to get your baby here. That is what is important. Please take my words in this post to heart, you have nothing to prove you earned it, you just did… you ARE Mom enough. Do you, be the MOmmy your kids need, and that is all that matters. Thank you for your sweet words about this post, I am happy you can relate to it.

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